The Lost Wonders of La Jolla

La Jolla never was anything other than middle class with quite a few upper middle class denizens, but now it has changed out of all recognition.

It has NOT changed for the better.  Nouveau Riche, immigrants who fled with their wealth when their old governments fell... few native Californians any longer apart from those who stayed, despite everything and kept their small beach cottages and rather unostentatious ranch homes in the Muirlands.  Land in La Jolla now is worth far more than the original homes that stood upon its land. Our home was an old historical beach cottage in the Barber Tract... from the garden, we could see a small sliver of the ocean and could walk to the beach in less than five minutes but many of the old views have been replaced by monstrous tasteless edifices built to inflate the egos of sports figures, film stars and politicians.  Most of these new residents do not live in La Jolla year round but have more than one residence in more than one city.  I despise all of them as well as the merchants who invaded our town like cockroaches to set up tourist traps in the place of our old rather modest but upscale shops.  Some of our childhood haunts still exist: Bowers and Warwicks still are to be found on Girard Avenue

Warwicks Book Shop Past and Present

The bastions of culture in my childhood were the old Library and the Athenaeum.  I believe the Library sadly no longer exists but the Athenaeum still stands proudly and my sister gives the occasional violin recital there.

UCSD was a new University when I was a child and it changed the entire fabric of society in La Jolla.  We brushed shoulders with giants in their various fields, including Linus Pauling, Jonas Salk and Herbert Marcuse.  My Mum enrolled in the new University and created a very exciting social life for herself in a rented house on S. Coast Boulevard next to the home of John Williams, a very dignified and elderly British actor.  He did not own his home either.   The charming but ramshackle trio of houses were owned by a very old ballet dancer whose name now escapes me.  He had a grand plan of selling the real estate ultimately for millions... meanwhile, we lived half a block from the Beach across from a rather wonderful home for the elderly named Casa Manana.  Our house was built on a hill and from the front room, we had an unobstructed view of the ocean where often we could watch the whales move past.

It was Herbert Marcuse who possibly impressed me the most as I was young, with a passion for justice and protest marches and incendiary speeches were our bread and butter.  My Mum took us to protest marches during a very exciting period in history.  It was a period when the police could and often were violent, even brutal and even in such a location as middle class La Jolla.  The older sister of a schoolmate was shot at Berkeley University during this time and became a sort of hero among the revolutionary student groups.

I attended Marcuse's lectures even though I was a very young girl and was inspired by them.  He spoke to me more than once after a lecture, probably because I was a total anomaly in terms of my age.

Here is a link to a little article about Marcuse:

Herbert Marcuse Life and Work

I cannot claim that at an age when my birthdays still were counted in single digits, I wholly comprehended Marcuse's writings or lectures, but he certainly did have a profound effect upon me.  It was heady stuff... just an example here:

'The performance principle, which is that of an acquisitive and antagonistic society in the process of constant expansion, presupposes a long development during which domination has been increasingly rationalised: control over social labour now reproduces society on a large scale and under improving conditions. For a long way, the interests of domination and the interests of the whole coincide: the profitable utilisation of the productive apparatus fulfils the needs and faculties of individuals. For the vast majority of the population, the scope and mode of satisfaction are determined by their own labour; but their labour is work for an apparatus which they do not control, which operates as an independent power to which individuals must submit if they want to live. And it becomes the more alien the more specialised the division of labour becomes. Men do not live their own lives but perform pre-established functions. While they work, they do not fulfil their own needs and faculties but work in alienation.' (Marcuse 1955: 45)

In other words, work in a capitalist society far transcends what is needed by the worker himself or herself and life then becomes devoted to the needs of the capitalist Master.  The worker's basic instincts and needs are repressed in order to attain goals that are alien to him or her and ultimately 'he desires what he is supposed to desire'.  This is the basic of rampant consumerism in our society where people work in order to purchase goods, not for their own benefit but for the benefit of the capitalist, often multinational corporations.  Marcuse dubbed the result the 'one-dimensional man'.

Marcuse was very interested in the power of Eros and firmly believed that it should be equal to Logos.  Sexuality and all the 'animal needs and desires' should not be repressed, nor sublimated in order to achieve greater wealth or other materialist goals but should hold equal sway with Logic in Life.  This is not a carte blanche declaration such as that of Aleister Crowley, his 'Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law' but like Crowley, he believed that the drive of Eros needed to be recognised and followed but within socially-responsible boundaries.

I am not a Communist but despite the failure of Communist experiments throughout the world, I continue to believe that, in certain grave situations, Communism is the ONLY solution, albeit a temporary phase that has to be outgrown once basic needs are met in that society.  Overpopulated nations where the majority of the population existed without adequate food, shelter, medical attention or education under the rule of an exploitive, irresponsible minority DEMAND Revolution and a temporary Communist structure to redress the balance and deliver equality where the basic needs are concerned.  The problem with most Communist experiments is the lack of a positive and speedy transition to another form of government.  It is a mistake, however, to declare that the entire world should be subjected to the same political philosophy and government.  Each nation has its own individual set of circumstances and needs.

Thus, when the West purports to deliver 'democracy' to the World, not only is this an extraordinary display of arrogance but it cannot work.  Furthermore, I fail to see true 'democracy' in those superpowers who are wielding the clumsy axe of invasion and occupation that is intended to save the people of another nation from its 'errors' or 'dictators' or whatever.

In all honesty, however, Marcuse was a mere footnote in my childhood.  The adult with the greatest influence in my life was Myrl Hendershott.  The Hendershotts were our best friends.  I never have met a more perfect embodiment of the ideal of the 'Renaissance Man' than Myrl.

He introduced me to the joys of Opera, to poetry by Rilke, inspiring me to read, read, and read, to constantly explore the wonders of every civilisation and culture.  He was a role model and kindred spirit in another way as well.  I graduated from school at an early age and went on to Uni at an early age... he had been subjected to the same experience, albeit at an age even younger than I.  Now society has learned not to place a child in the company of young adults, to further the sense of alienation that often is natural to the 'gifted'.  When I was in school, however, I always was at least three years younger than every one else in my class.  It was horrible and counter-productive.

Here is a link to the CV of one of the most incredible individuals I ever have known:

Myrl Hendershott

Myrl is both scientist and musician.  He played the Organ at a local church while teaching Oceanography at the Scripps Institute but he always was and is so much more.  My sister and I both were madly in love with him of course in those days, not only because of his incredible mind but because he always had time for every one and had a certain rather unassuming charm as well as a wonderful sense of humour.  My debt to Myrl, however, is the way he generated a hunger in my soul for the beauty of poetry and classical music, but especially opera.

This is Myrl as I knew him then:

(Above, Myrl Hendershott)

I have met and known many extraordinary individuals in the course of my life... many artists, writers, philosophers, film stars, musicians and political activists, inter alia, but as I wrote initially, Myrl is the consummate Renaissance Man.  John Gross, a very close and dear friend of mine when I lived in Manhattan, had a knowledge of literature that surpassed any one else I have known, but his knowledge of other subjects was not as comprehensive.  Myrl crossed the border between Humanities and Science effortlessly and constantly.

The Crown of the Martyr

As a child, I thought that Martyrdom was quite a logical end to Life.  It represented meaning rather than random Death.  It was the best punctuation for the end of the sentence of Existence on this Earth.  I always have been a deeply spiritual individual, although in time, I came to have little trust in organisations and the 'human' elements in any religion.  My own Faith is Roman Catholic, primarily because of the 'magic' of the Sacraments, and especially the belief in transubstantiation...  Whatever the priest may or may not be in his own time, he holds that incredible power to transform a wafer and a cup of wine into the Body and Blood of God!  The other reason I adhere somewhat to this Faith is the Blessed Virgin.  I do not trust any religion that does not place any Women in high regard. Motherhood is another form of Magic and the Blessed Virgin suffered almost as much as Christ, yielding to the necessity of the Ultimate Sacrifice of her Beloved Son.  That is no small achievement.  I doubt I could watch as my Child met a terrible torture and death!

At the same time, I am some one who has studied and followed the ancient Northern 'Pagan' traditions, who sees Odhinn in the same light as Christ, who has participated in the rites of Muharram and wept for Imam Hussayn.  I do believe there is more than one path to Wisdom and more than one path to find 'nearness to God' or as it is put in Arabic 'qurbatan ilallah'.

Martyrs are extraordinary of course.  I have nothing but admiration for the Martyrs for Palestine.   Martyrdom for a cause that is above and beyond any consideration of personal gain or profit is noble in theory.  The problem is that so often, Causes are controlled by dishonest individuals.  Martyrdom for Freedom from Occupation in Palestine is indeed laudable but who would benefit?  It is not the people of Palestine, but the often corrupt Leaders who purport to represent them who reap any rewards in these cases.  In most cases, it is the People who are punished as well, who carry the burden of the cost.

A childhood hero of mine was the Stuart King, Charles I of England.  He was a true Martyr, who did not falter nor seek mercy when he realised he would be executed by his enemies.  In my own imagination, I have lived through the drama again and again and wondered if I would show any courage or be a coward ultimately.  As people have declared over and over, it is impossible to know until one is tested.  Do I want a martyr's Crown?  It once was thought to be the ultimate goal for any one who had principles, but apart from anything else, the irony is that the older one grows, the less invested one is in sacrificing life for 'ideals'.  Yes, I still have ideals and I wish that the world were different, but what I see in the end is that martyrs for the most part die for a cause that has corrupt elements.  Their hearts are pure, but the cause is NOT pure.

For what or whom would I be willing to die now?  I suppose the answer to that is less clear than it once was.  Circumstances probably would dictate it entirely.  If my daughter's life were in question, I hope I would have the courage to give mine instead.  As far as my other heroes are concerned and their own sacrifices, Odhinn remains very high on the list, although, as a God, he did not perish despite the pain and suffering he offered in sacrifice.  To risk life for wisdom and the knowledge of other realities or worlds still to me is a worthy aim.  Unfortunately, although I suffer from severe chronic pain, that does not catapult nor draw me towards any real enlightenment or vision for the most part, except for one point in hospital when I believe I 'flatlined' briefly and had a very clear and detailed vision of Our Lady and Christ.  The message there, when I asked why one had to suffer so much pain was that pain is what gives us the ability to empathise with other creatures.  Fair enough.  It does make sense!

God as a Fundamentalist or Literalist

A very lovely woman (whom I respect, but with whom I never could agree in terms of her religious beliefs) posted the following on Facebook today:

God is the same yesterday, today, & tomorrow. Hebrews 13:8
God exiled the nation of Israel for practicing pagan with holy things of God. Jeremiah 29:4-14
Today many professing Christians do the same.
What makes believers think God has changed His mind about mixing of the profane with the holy. Ezekiel 22:6
Open your eyes & come out of the lies the devil has deceived you with. Know the truth. Revelation 18:4

From my recollection of the Old and New Testament, these are not precise quotes... must be something a 'preacher' put together for a sermon or homily.  Nonetheless...

My first thought was: And I suppose you guys don't mix dairy or meat either!  She is not Jewish.  She is a Christian and yet the quote from Jeremiah is Jewish.  Why do people from ANY religion continue to believe that God is a literalist or fundamentalist?  What language does He/She/It speak???

Use of Tens Unit for Neuropathic Pain, Neuritis or Neuropathy

I have been familiar with the operation of a T.E.N.s Unit for about 15 years now.  I first experienced it for back pain at a physical rehabilitation facility.  It helped a little so I obtained one for home use.  In those days, Europe was far ahead of the United States in medical matters.  Indeed, it still is but they have reached a point in the United States at least where one can procure a T.E.N.s Unit without a prescription from a doctor even from Amazon and the price is reasonable.  At the time when I first needed one, the price in the U.S. was prohibitive and a medical prescription was mandated.  My first unit was from the U.K., needless to say.

Essentially a Tens Unit delivers small electric shocks through electrodes to the body.  Usually placement is made to follow a nerve route or to stimulate specific muscles or areas where pain occurs. The electrodes are used in pairs.  One can use 2 or 4 or I suppose any number depending on the individual unit or whether or not one has multiple units.  They can be placed together or if you are using four, you can create an 'X' with them, crossing the two different pairs.

Some units are very primitive, offering only a single type of impulse.  Others can offer a number of different types of electric impulses.  Some are more piercing and shock-like than others.  Others can resemble a gentle massage motion.

I am not a medical practitioner but the reason for writing this is to let people who suffer from neuropathy, neuritis or neuralgia know that the T.E.N.s unit CAN help with this obnoxious, endless pain/annoyance.

When I first thought of it as a form of treatment, no one wished to help me experiment.  I was told by home aide, doctor and physical therapist that the T.E.N.s unit NEVER was used for this type of problem...  I asked whether or not it actually could do any harm if we tried it.  I simply was told, once again, that it was not prescribed for this sort of problem.

So I became rather insistent.  My problem is that I am not able to reach my foot with my hand since having the hip replacement.  I have been told it could be dangerous.  I actually could do it, with a lot of pain and struggle but it is not worth ending back in hospital for another surgical procedure just because I stubbornly were to decide I had to reach my foot.  I therefore had to ask some one for help with my experiment.

Yesterday at physical therapy I asked my therapist simply to experiment with me in the use of the Tens Unit for that awful 'dead' feeling in my foot.  The sensation is increasing rather than decreasing which makes me worry that it signifies permanent nerve damage.  I had hoped that as I exercised and time passed, I would lose that particular group of pain sensations, but it is not working out that way.  It is particularly noxious at night, when it feels as though the sole of my foot suddenly has been transformed to cardboard and yet I feel a horrible prickling and stabbing and burning along the outer knife edge in particular.  Having talked to a number of people about this, I have discovered that my own mother and a couple of my aunts, none of whom had joint replacements, have this problem in their feet and that my maternal grandmother suffered from it as well.  So it could be partly hereditary. All the more reason to try to fix it!

Doctors tend to wish to prescribe either an anti-depressant or an epilepsy (anti-seizure) medication for this... in truth, there is no medication for it and they are experimenting on patients with anything and everything, following the philosophy of 'let's throw everything at it and see if anything sticks'.  I have very bad reactions to most medications so those dubious solutions are not open to me, thank God!  Another type of medication prescribed is one that is sometimes mislabeled as a pain medication but in fact tricks the brain into not recognising the impulse from the nerve.  In other words, medications like Ultram and Lyrica 'mess with your brain'.  I cannot tolerate those either.

So I am left with a couple of potential mitigators.  I use that word because nothing actually fixes the problem, but there are things that mitigate the annoyance.

One of these is the lidocaine patch.  If I can persuade any one to place one on the sole of my foot, it really does reduce the negative sensations.  The other is the Tens Unit.

Yes, it really DOES help.  It makes my foot feel alive and normal again, removing the itching and burning and 'cardboard' sensation.  I wish to share this with any one who has this problem and is willing to try an unorthodox treatment.

It makes perfect sense to me as well.  Nerves carry their own type of electrical impulses and currents. Our universe is fuelled by electricity to some extent.  Why not use gentle electrical impulses to awaken deadened or damaged nerves?

When I went into hospital for the first hip replacement, the nurse used a very large gauge needle in my left hand for the I.V.  It damaged the two outer fingers of my left hand.  As a left-handed person, I begged her to place it in my right hand instead but she declared that right hip surgery mandated an I.V. in the left hand and left hip surgery only would mandate the I.V. in the right hand.  A year later, those fingers still are damaged but the sensation has been returning slowly to both.  I can use a pen now and sign my name.  My handwriting is somewhat compromised but is improving,

I do not pretend to know why the nerve damage in the fingers always was declared to be 'temporary' while it is assumed that the damage in my foot probably is permanent.  I do know that I will resist the diagnosis and if I continue to use the Tens Unit and it continues to help and finally brings back some semblance of normalcy to my foot, I will shout it from the rooftops.

 Meanwhile, fellow sufferers, do consider giving it a try!

Another source of relief has been copper leggings... I still suffer pain but my mobility is far greater and I do feel LESS pain when I wear the copper compression leggings.  Sadly, the ones that contain copper really do appear to be more effective than compression without copper... sadly because the cost is far higher for these!

The Mechanics of Abuse

I do not understand how women (or men or children) kill their abusers frankly.  It elevates them to a position they do not deserve.  I would not go to prison for any man or woman. Would you be willing to go to prison for killing a mosquito or cockroach?  Why then would you be willing to ruin your future for an abusive man or woman?

The Essential Tragedy of Romantic Love

I have come very late to a tragic and rather horrible realisation: that we do no one a service when we fall in love with some one for his/her potential, recognising something in that person that no one else can see or value.  You cannot force any one to realise potential.  Every one has fatal flaws and if you do not accept THOSE, a relationship is based always on fantasy and misperception rather than truth.

I always wished to believe that every man was capable of becoming a true hero and that, if only I believed in him, he would take the high and difficult path to become the best person he could be.  I fancied somehow that, like the audience in 'Peter Pan', if I shouted 'I believe in fairies!  I do! I do!' hard enough and long enough, the hero would emerge from the chrysalis of the misshapen caterpillar or worm.

This is not a good way to fall in love nor is it a good basis for a relationship.  Some one always feels he/she has been disappointed or actively 'let down'.  Either the man, if you fail to somehow pull him up by his bootstraps to drag him into the higher realm or you, if you do your best and then are failed by the object of your love.

Better to recognise all the flaws initially.  Better to look coldly and clearly at all the pros and cons of the existing person and not ride the thermals of fantasy to see what spirals might take both of you to a different reality together.

People seldom change.  I am not speaking here of material wealth or position.  Yes, you can be a helpmate in life and you can be an inspiration for some one to strive harder or gain a higher position or more wealth if that matters to you.  I am speaking of character.  When one falls in love, it usually has something to do with personality and character, shared dreams or aspirations or an illusion of the same.   Sexual love is something else entirely and although it can wreak lives as often as romantic love, it at least is more clearly understood perhaps.   It often is said that Western civilisation did every one a terrible disservice by attempting to combine romantic and sexual love when the two can be worlds apart.  I always did feel that ideally, an arranged marriage based on commonality of interest and aspirations probably was kinder, more practical and less doomed to disaster than marriages based on partners we ourselves choose according to whim or hormones or some deep-seated illusionary primciples.

Spirituality of the Old North and Death by Hanging

'The Vikings', a recent series made by the so-called 'History Channel' has many fine points and undoubtedly has made thousands of individuals in the early 21st century aware of the name and fame of the old Viking hero, Ragnar Lodbrok.

I am not that bothered by historical inaccuracies for the most part.  They alter events in the interest of time and drama.  What bothers me a little is the depiction of the religion of the Old North.

Last night, I watched the sacrifice made by Queen Lagertha wherein she used a curved scimitar to cut a beautiful young man through the breastbone.

There were a few elements of this that bothered me.

First of all, the God who was followed by most Warriors would have been Odhinn, whose method of sacrifice, including the sacrifice of Himself was hanging.  The young man in this scene stands between two poles.  He holds thongs or ropes on each of the poles but this is nothing like the old descriptions of sacrifice to Odhinn.

There are many bodies in museums that show ritual death by hanging and then placement in a body of water, usually a bog.

I do tend to subscribe to the theory that the Aesir were foreign invaders from the far East who brought their rites with them and that the Vanir were the native agrarian gods.  Odhinn and Thor were members of the Aesir family of gods.  Freyja, Freyr and Frigga were members of the Vanir.

Based on mystery religions throughout the world, I have come to the conclusion that one of the sacrificial rites practiced by followers of the Vanir would have been ritual castration.  The Edda tells of Freyr's own sacrifice to the Giantess Gerd as a condition of his sacred marriage to her.  The Giants were one of the elder races, powerful and primitive, equal to the Gods in their own way.

Freyr looked to the North and when he beheld the 'gleaming arms' of the beautiful giantess Gerd, he fell in love with her to the point where he became ill.  He did not eat, drink or sleep.  He journeyed north to her dwelling and she made it a condition of the marriage that he surrender his 'sword' to her.

One of the most ancient of mystery religions is that of the goddess Cybele and Attis.  Cybele is, like Gerd, an ancient and powerful Goddess who dwells within the mountain, cave or rock.  The traditional sacrifice to Cybele was voluntary castration.  The man to be sacrificed would be bound to an evergreen, usually a pine tree, and then would have his genitals severed.  He would become the tree and like the evergreen, which never loses its needles, would be reborn.

As in many Native American tribal traditions, the sacrifice of the male genitals was a means to gain freedom from gender.  The individual then could be androgynous, neither man nor woman.  Often the priests in Native American tribes, especially those of the Plains, would dress as women after this.

It is sad to me that the West has lost much of its focus in terms of the priority that once was given to spiritual gains above mere sexual gratification.  Whenever I hear about individuals who want this or that in terms of 'gender' or 'sexual orientation', spiritual gains NEVER are mentioned.  They want orgasms and a lifestyle that somehow satisfies them on a physical level, for whatever reason.  The old sacrifices of genitalia or gender to the Mother Goddess were not an attempt to gain some sort of sexual climax at any price.  They were 'sacrifices', something given for something greater.    Attis died and was reborn through castration as were Adonis and the other gods of the ancient Fertile Crescent.

Some say that Heliogabalus or Elagabalus actually was an intensely spiritual follower of the ancient Mysteries... his name and reputation were blackened by the scurrilous political 'history' written about him and the other later Emperors.  What was perceived as wanton lawless sexual behaviour may have been legitimate 'Eastern' practices.

Here is a link to the original text in English translation:

History of Elagabalus

More on this later.

In a very different sort of sacrifice, Odhinn hanged himself from the world Tree Yggdrasil for nine nights and days and at the end of that time, 'screaming took up the runes'.  It was a ritual designed to give him wisdom and knowledge in the same way that plucking out his own eye and depositing it in the Well of Mimir gave him vision of the 'other world'.

The two primary forms of sacrifice to Odhinn were by hanging and burning.  Cremation or submersion in a body of water rather than burial in the earth was common, but for followers of the Vanir, I would expect burial in the earth instead as they were earth gods.

At this point, this post consists really of notes to myself to be reviewed and consolidated later...
I was thinking early this morning about erotic strangling and its effects.  Perhaps Odhinn's sacrifice was based on similar considerations, the altered state of consciousness prompted by the loss of breath, dizziness, even heightened sexual arousal.  Furthermore, in support of this, the very name of Odhinn means breath.  'Od' is wind or breath and he carried the mead of inspiration in his mouth when he transformed to an eagle.

Elagabalus
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What actually can be perceived as 'fact' and what as pure libel in the so-called history.  Here is one achievement of this emperor that made him very unpopular:

As soon as he entered the city, however, neglecting all the affairs of the provinces, he established Elagabalus as a god on the Palatine Hill close to the imperial palace; and he built him a temple, to which he desired to transfer the emblem of the Great Mother, the fire of Vesta, the Palladium, the shields of the Salii, and all that the Romans held sacred, purposing that no god might be worshipped at Rome save only Elagabalus.  He declared, furthermore, that the religions of the Jews and the Samaritans and the rites of the Christians must also be transferred to this place, in order that the priesthood of Elagabalus might include the mysteries of every form of worship.

Then, when he held his first audience with the senate, he gave orders that his mother should be asked to come into the senate-chamber.  On her arrival she was invited to a place on the consuls' bench and there she took part in the drafting — that is to say, she witnessed the drawing up of the senate's decree.19 And Elagabalus was the only one of all the emperors under whom a woman attended the senate like a man, just as though she belonged to the senatorial order.

3 He also established a senaculum  or women's senate, on the Quirinal Hill. Before his time, in fact, a congress of matrons had met here, but only on certain festivals, or whenever a matron was presented with the insignia of a 'consular marriage' — bestowed by the early emperors on their kinswomen, particularly on those whose husbands were not nobles, in order that they might not lose their noble rank.

What can be gleaned from all this?  That he was extremely progressive, desiring that all mystery religions be combined into a single religion accessible to all.  Second, that WOMEN should be given rights and power.  He allowed his mother a place in the Senate and he established a senate for women.

Coins from the reign of Elagabalus.  I own some silver coins like these but obviously do not own the gold one, which fetches an enormous price!